七、戒语句重复
汉语多重复,以强化语气;英语则要尽量避免重复。
王曰:“此鸟不飞则已,一飞冲天;不鸣则已,一鸣惊人。”
“The bird may not have flown yet”, replied the King, “Once it does, it will soar to the sky. I may not have cried out yet, but once it does, it will startle everyone.”(杨宪益译《史记-滑稽列传》)
中国人也好,外国人也好,死人也好,活人也好,对的就是对的,不对的就是不对的。
What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, no matter what it concerns, the Chinese or foreigners, the dead or the living.
八、戒另起炉灶,走失精气神
译文要力求其“信”,尽可能契合汉语原来句子的气势、情绪和结构。
例如,元朝人王实甫写下了《西厢记》,张雪静改编后并作了翻译——
掏出张生那封信,回头环视见梳妆台上的梳妆盒,眼睛一转,心里说有了,将信放了进去,合上盖时故意压了一角露在外面。
Rose took out Zhang's letter, she thought, “It would be better to put it in her make-up case, and letter find it herself.” So she put the letter in the case, leaving a corner of it sticking out, so that it would be quickly noticed.
不难看出,译文与原文相去甚远,互不吻合,成了“两张皮”。
你已经死在过深的怨愤里了吗?
死?不,不,我还活着——
请给我以火,给我以火!
Have you perished in this deep rancor and bitterness?
Death? No, no. I'm still alive.
Please give me a light, give me a light!